Every year before my birthday rolls by...a week before, to be precise...I document each day in my journal, always looking for signs of what i believe is a glimpse of future. I began this tradition at my 16th birthday and have kept up for most of the years since.
This week is turning out to be quite something else. Tues, I had a film event at work. Today, I had another film event at work. Being Bollywood film events, and given my own experience with them in another lifetime (when I worked in the events industry), I felt a strange sense of deja vu. Events had always been my first love. Which is why I jumped headlong into my first job. I am extremely grateful and feel tremendously blessed when I think of all the work I was fortunate to be a part of. Then I gave it up to do something most girls my age consider taboo- become a home-maker. I still believe I am a home-maker, juggling my home and professional commitments with ease (on most days at least :P). What surprises me is how being a writer has brought me right 'round to something I loved, altho' this time I expce it from the other side.
A year ago to this day, I had no work. I was in between projects. I didnt know where the money would come from. My husband had his one retainer client. Since then, I've been blessed with more work than I can handle (having to cut back on clients sometimes!), been able to get the toplines and bottomlines in place, get pay-hikes (yes, in the middle of a recession), put some savings in the bank....all stuff Id never appreciated before. Im not a "paper chaser", but I think Im old enough to appreciate how hard I work to earn it. I feel a lot more confident 'cos I've finally found something I love to do! Like most people, I love receiving positive feedback on my work (which is imp for me, 'cos Im perpetually oscillating in a state of self-doubt...is it good, is it not, will it be blah blue bleh).
And that brings me to this --> I feel like I can finally take that step forward and reach for my dreams. I dont know how, I dont know when, all I know is that there is a feeling of hope firmly embedded in my heart. And even on a day when the world says it cant be done, something inside of me says "Dont listen to the world, just press on."